“Butterflied it once” review

Genre: Derp | Developer: Anonymous

It feels though someone actually knows what games are,

since they played some in the 90s. You’d think this wouldn’t be worth mentioning alas, given the pool of recent adult games it’s worth a small celebration. Not so much as to open a champagne bottle, but at least enough to raise your soda glass high before you drink it, even if no one is there.

///Fucking horrible formatting warning !!!- we’re still putting the cement in the html n` shit. If you got here without a referral welcome to the construction hole///

As silly sex taxi driver, everywhere you turn there are girls who want to get in your cab and get undressed and fucked. All sliced down to 10 stages per girl of course. No fullscreen, but fairly large.

 

It looks like someone has an idea of what the fuck they are doing with interface and composition, because that level of coherence is scarce from adult games in general. The artist making the girls should probably be limited to making only stick figure cartoons, but fine – we’ll pretend it’s style rather than someone who knows fuck all about how to draw the human form. I’m not a big fan of the full cartoony stuff, yet so long it’s coherent and original I’ll always give them and Fake Lay the light bow of respect.

 

“Sweet talking” the girls is a thing you’ll be doing via minigame – a fairly ok oneNow, obviously knowing what games sort of look like from walking distance is not quite enough to understand how to make them. Results based on how good you play is a concept the developers still haven’t figured yet. But you know, there’s hope. Maybe when they turn 18 years old they’ll get hit by a toilet on the head.

This severely undercuts your interest to perform well in the minigame, as it doesn’t fucking matter at all. Whether you complete it perfectly or miss half is irrelevant. You you don’t get bonus points or anything depending on how well you did, so you may as well not really bother. Just click and start one more. Terrible way to motivate your players.

 

The scenarios are light so there isn’t more than “Silly sexy”. Storytelling is very scarce and you’ll be getting just a tiny bit to lubricate the encounters, so they are not dirt dry. Not enough to rub on the whole cock, but a little spit on the tip is something at least. -Fake Lay you are sucking dick left and right, spit on the goddamn cock properly, for fucks sake.

 

When you develop the girls, you gather a bit of cash and become a business owner. So, some doggy style with girls you just met in a taxi with who are all willing to fuck you, somehow also boosts your “cargo ship” business. I’m sure it also improves your donut making skills too, but fine. It’s a cartoony game with random sex – let it slide.

 

The “films” you make are very token. The game has a good chance to hold your curiosity for about enough to upgrade a few girls and see all the main features. Soon as a girl is “developed” she sort of lets you be her pimp and send her to your newly found basement to make amateur porn films. All in all it’s just a static popup telling you about it. When you did a movie back in the game “Wet the sexy empire” at least they gave you a few slightly animated images and sound effects, so you can pretend better.

 

In this day and age I expect just a little bit extra than the bare bone minimum to operate.

 

Your car doesn’t really need a roof and doors or air conditioning.  It’s just nice to have them isn’t it. It’s allows you to use the thing for longer periods on more occasions.

 

You can find these improvements and refreshments in the very many successful games around. Some of which are insanely successful.

 

Fake lay perhaps takes a cynical approach that games are easy and dumb and you don’t need that level of thinking to be involved to make them good. Or it just may be an amateur attempt by the sort of people who would draw a girl’s asshole on her left leg.

 

The pvp screen looked nice. As for the system? – the little I played the balance didn’t make sense, probably because the information given to the player is next to none.

The problems with Fake Lay start to shine when you stick around for a while. The balancing is strange and hits a heavy fortress reinforced walls complete with cannons and alligator moats.

 

You get the impression you are starting off in a race and then you slow down to a crawl in days. So bad that you need to wait 30 days for one skill to gain a single point and I need like 3 for my next step. If you are in a race and you slow down to a crawl – you step the fuck out of the car and walk – as it’s faster.

I fully appreciate games needing to make money as both a player and member of the game industry. When you sell time you have to put time barriers in front of people so the impatient can buy their way past waiting.

 

However – the flow, scale and pacing of this has evolved over the years. Just running some half assed flat number scale is not really it. All the web strategies with armies used to do that and they are being buried alive by their newer competitors.

 

Even the king of waiting games – clash of clans have learned. The company’s new games you can say are vastly different from the old arrangement of strategy games.

I’m sort of tired of complaining about the pedo shit on nutaku. Maybe you’d argue that plush dolls don’t quite mean that but, when your art makes age indistinguishable, maybe the very first girl you have shouldn’t be child like.

 

There is also a memory minigame game for dates with the girls – Which is the thing that punches you in the face for thinking its neat small and simple game. Rather just a shallow and fucking lazy attempt.

-If you force people through 10 consecutive memory sessions, the least you can give them is a line of text you fucking assholes. Round 1 – “Hi”, round 2 – “You look like fun, are we going to party tonight?”, round 3 – “The wine is really nice”. And when you show its 10 out of 10 you don’t make us go through more sessions. Would you like to go to the bank and be given a document that says you made 10/10 payments. But oh wait, actually this means you need to pay more. God damn basics people – how fucking hard are basics?

 

Obviously developers writing it will look like. Round 1 – “I don’t know you, but I want to suck your dick right now, let’s just play silly mini games for a while until I fully wet my panties”. Even still, SOMETHING would have been nice. If you are going to have do a stupid amount of minigames for the first date on the first girl with absolutely nothing in return.

-No – thank you, and fuck you as well. If I wanted to throw my time in a hole I’ll just play World of warcraft, there’s probably some mileage left in there even though they watered it down so much as to go after the moms and dads money through their 7 year olds.

Overall:

 

Fake Lay is cocktail of some known porn scenarios, elements from its other competitors and a tiny pinch of that adventure game vibe back from the 90s. It’s not really lemonde, rather some of that colored and flavored chemical bullshit with 100% lemon.jpg on the bottle, which people who never seem to stop complaining about their health problems pass around all the time.

 

The flying cocks from outer space and their scenes I think are very boring. When I saw scenes for the first few girls I totally lost interest in discovering the others, and I haven’t watched much hentai to say I have bias due to me being used to the japanese product so I can’t appreciate this.

 

As a novelty it could be curious, interesting and tasty for a little bit. Kinda like a cheap version McDonalds in video game form. It has a decent decor and it looks well on the outside. Of course by now probably even the aborigines have figured out – that shit is expensive to consume on a regular basis, and suicidal in the long run. In the case of Fake Lay – there is little satisfaction, and the little there is they rob from you with bullshit decisions like in the minigames.

The game was totally developed by senile old geezers who’ve seen too much Audrey Hepburn images with her fancy long smoke holder. That or some hung over college students rebelling against their parents in a sad wankjob sort of way. Who else thinks smoking is cool and edgy – a good amount of their girls light up cigarettes in the taxi like fucking peasants.

Even nutaku doesn’t know what to think about this game as its labeled a “Clicker”. Which it clearly isn’t.

The casual player may have the hardcore patience needed to advance in this game. There’s little to no satisfaction at the end of the waiting.

Meanwhile, I did an exclusive interview with one of their heavy spenders.

-His take on the matter was:

“Meh, meh ~ me,meh-meh, megh.”

It could be that he was trying to say “my name is Mehmed” and that he is doing a scientific research into human money traps from the Catwanda nation – but we may never know. After all, ever since that catnip asteroid hit their snake & cactus farms™, their science has been going through the roof…

But then again, its a white male cat, so it should probably just shut its racist fucking mouth – amIrite?

 

 

 

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