Virgin Review

Genre: Tamagocthi   |   Developer: Just Nice Things

When you see developers being assfucked by mere abstracts you don’t really get optimistic about their creative potential. What am I on about?

I’ll bring over my machine, I’d like to see people put it in their pocket my 20 by 20 inch thermaltake tower PC case.

They may optimistic about how much their pockets can take if they’ve had too much foot traffic up their assholes and find themselves sort of conflating. Even if they can take the 20inch long cock, I want to be there for the show when they try to take the square crate up their anal pipe.

You may be thinking I am infatuated with anal sex. I’m merely being gender inclusive here. Don’t want any of you pangender worshipers loosing your shit 🙂

-But but, the ones without anuses are being left out!

-Ah, well…

If it also turns out this is not waifu game, we would have found one more terminal case of Idiotitus Retardicus™.

Grab your dead horses and lets get on with it…

The devil is trading a pussy magnet for a soul – a serviceable plot start. I can’t name the visual style, but it’s generally one of them low detail types that people use for effort conservation. They’d better be saving that effort for something good…

Here we go. Monologue. Dialogue is a lot of work, but monologue can be cool too, it’s on track so far.

Well what do you know, it’s not a Waifu game.

Apparently the reboot fashion is not done yet. Here we go to reboot one of the classics.

NOT pocket NOT waifu is actually a tamagotchi with the animals being replaced. I can see how they can have a problem coming up with a title that is not bs.

 

Where this format may work with animals, it doesn’t really work with people. I have to feed her?? What is she fucking retarded? Can’t open the fridge and grab a bite and is waiting for me to give her food?

I hope it manages to cater to someone, because I’m not a hot fan of basic human pet simulators.

Like it or not this will be the it. Lets hope we don’t need to walk her in the park to go poop.

First few times the wait was short. Bath it is…
You start getting hit with 3+ minute wait timers very soon after you land. So these guys got a clear inspiration from Big Bang Empire obviously.


Other than the living room that has a few minigames you feed her, you clean her up and you put her to sleep.

Curiously this is behaving like a family friendly, raise your children game, but is actually an adult one. Ah well, in a perfect world shit would make sense. I suppose we have to have things left to dream about 🙂

Also – game design one o’ one. You don’t penalize people for not wanting to be lectured.
We’re not in a high school classroom you fucking cretins!

Overall:

Who knows. I’ve spent more time cropping screenshots than the game allowed me to play on the first encounter. The tamagotchi I think is just an excuse to cop out of coming up with something engaging, the initial progression is total bullshit adding the annoyance on top.

If a game allows you to play for like 5 mins on your first arrival they are doing it wrong. Being able to change her skirt doesn’t exactly make up for that.

In the living room someone has bothered to integrate several minigames. A colossal time waste. Games you get to play what? -2 minutes once every 4 hours? And you don’t even need to, as you can bypass them by just clicking the girls. Maybe that effort could have been put elsewhere so the tamagotchi modules weren’t essentially all a fucking loading bar.

It’s a modernly built game, fullscreen, fine interfaces with only a few lesser dumb design decisions. Fairly animated characters, decent art style. Low detail cost saving indeed but at least well done.

Actually, no. Not well done. -FUCKING Well Done. Grab a drink, do a wank – you more than earned it. I hope you enjoyed drawing at least half as much I enjoyed discovering it. U iz da cool cat! Rock the fuck on!

Gamewise – If the figurative goal of this game is to cum. It just unzips your pants, graces the fabric of your underwear, then gets distracted and fucks right off into the sunset to not be seen until tomorrow when it can touch your underwear again, maybe you’ve put on silk this time and the sensation is better.

Well will have to see if this is a soft lunch and they’ll expand and adjust or leave as is.

As I said: Who knows… Right now the game is like those bullshit half car trailers, but without the first usable car to haul.

-But it’s of a pretty car…
-Who cares. Do you want me to give you half a stripper for your bachelor party?

Oh there we go! Get the keyboard in now and we can move on to the monitor…

 

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